I was interviewed by

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The pigeon with uncanny human features, who seems endowed with the ability to speak and converse with humans, has been released after being captured under the assumption of being a government spy. They accepted to do their first ever interview live tonight.

How have you been since the arrest?
Honestly traumatized. I was on my way back home from getting groceries. They abducted me and all my shopping scattered on the floor. I had to stay multiple days in the detention center, I'm in the process of suing the police to get my grocery money back.

That's unfortunate. Before we procede, how do you indentify Mr?Miss?Pigeon?
Are you asking if I'm a male or female pigeon? honestly I don't even know why you are calling me a pigeon in the first place, I never claimed to be a pigeon, I'm just a bird and you can call me Miss or Mr, they are the same to me.

Okay Mr Pigeon. Are you a government spy?
No, I don't work for the government, never had, never will. If anything I'm anti government, they spilled my groceries!

How were you mistaken for government spy then?
They said "that ain't no goddamn pigeon that thang got human eyes and lips!" then they grabbed me and started asking who do you work for? and I said first of all I'm not a pigeon, but no one listened to me.

So who do you work for?
I'm actually jobless. I live in my mom's basement at 47 years old. The day I was arrested was my first day outside in 17 years.

Wait. You have parents? you are 47? is your mom a pigeon too? and how are you able to communicate with humans?
I already told you I'm not a pigeon. I'm some sort of flightless bird, so more like a chicken. And I want to repect my mom's privacy. I was born with basic human abilities.

Okay so Mr Chicken it is. Do you live a normal human life then?
I'm not a chicken... and if you consider dwelling in your mom's basement for decades a normal human life then yes.

Why don't you go outside? have you been to school?
I've had an average life up until I reached adulthood, then I wasn't legally forced to live like the default, so I stopped going out. I can't believe the one time I go touch grass I get arrested and get interviewed live.

But as a bird person, I don't think it's possible for you to have an average life.
Maybe you're right, I'll be seen as a freak, and the next time I go outside I'll probably get arrested again.

Have you concidered plastic surgery?
What? you mean to become human? I think I'll have better luck fitting in wearing a furrsuit or a humansuit if it's a thing.

Alright, the interview is coming to an end. Any closing words?
What a waste of my time.

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